I'm immortal!
by TheFairiesHeart
Summary: Purely a crack fic. Oneshot Lucy and co find the book of E.N.D and open it. What they find inside truly shocks them.


**Just to let you know, I am absolutely** **not** **sorry that I have wrote this. Just a small crack theory on what is actually inside the book of E.N.D. Originally it was just a bad Zervis fanfic but...well...my immortal.**

 **You can hate this all you want, this has diliberately been written crap. So...yeah, enjoy this and prepare to cry**.

Lucy held the book of E.N.D in her hands. The cover hadn't been opened yet but with Zeref cowering in the corner, she knew this was trouble. She hesitantly opened to book to read the first page.

"I'm immortal...?" She said questioningly, looking at Zeref.

"Don't read it. Please have mercy."

'"Hello. My name is Zeref Darkness Dementia Ravenway Dragneel. My hair is as black as darkness, that's where I got my name from. I go to school at the Fairy Tail Magic Academy.

I walkd thru the corrider wth ma Bestie Mard Geer. We were casualy tlking when we walked past him. Acologa!

"Hi Zeref." He said.

"Hi Acnolga." I rplied. We parted ways, Mard imeditly sayin;

"You like him?" I deanied it, hands waving in frnt of mee.

I quikly got away from Mard 2 my nxt clas.

I siped my glas of death in the cathetira at lnch and a smol yellow hared grl walked past.

"Hi Zreef."

"Who r you?" I asked, loking at the girl.

"My name is Mavis but everyone calls me ghost."

"Why?"

"Because I'm dead." She giggld be4 floting awy.

I lft the cateria and guess who I bumped into.

Acnola!

"Hey ther Zeerf." He said, towering over me.

"Hi..."

"I got tickets to the Grimore Hart concert tonite. Wanna come?"

Grimore Hart?! They were my favorit band, along Oracin Sayss and, my band, Tartaras! Together the 3 wer th Balm Allince!

"I would love to." I saide, overjoyed.

"Meet u out front at 7." He said before turnin bac into a dragon and flyin of!

I squeaked as Mqrd cam up behind me.

"U spoke 2 acno? OMG! Enjoy The Concrt!"

"I will." ...'

"What the actual hell were you on Zeref?" Lucy asked, stopping reading and looking at the weeping wizard.

"I don know! I just wanted to feel loved!" He cried, feeling his essence of life disappearing.

"I...I don't even know. It can't get worse than this...right?" Lucy asked herself, scared at what could happen next.

Lucy took a deep breath and opened her mouth and started to read once more.

' we met outside te acadmy and Acno ws in his drago firm agan.

"Climb on." He said. I clmbered onto his scals ad we sored to the concrt.

At the concrt, I sang my hart out to the many hits, 'arc of time', 'fire God slayer' and 'embodiment' were some of these.

At the end we sored to the wods and he becam hooman agin. He sat on top of me and we startd makin out. He unzipped his trosers and put his thingy in my butt and we had sex.

"WHAT ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DOING?!" A voice shouted out. We looked over.

It was...

.

.

.

Igneel! '

Lucy dropped the book in disgust at what she read.

"I love all books but this was awful." Lucy blanched, pale.

"I told you not to open that book." Igneel's spirit arrived to say that before disappearing.

Various voices agreed that it was terrible. That was all but two voices.

"Don't hate the man for it! He tried!" Erza cried out. Mavis took her place beside Erza, blocking and protecting Zeref.

"I thought it was rather well written and the characters were well done." Mavis said.

They carried the poor black Mage out of the guild to a safe place. They sat and took care of him, him withering away.

"Y...you didn't think it was terrible?" Zeref asked in a small voice.

"Not at all. I quite loved it." Erza said, taking the book out of a bag. "I'm going to read some more."

"Oh let me read some too!" Mavis said, floating over Erza's shoulder as they continued to read the story.

The next day, Erza and Mavis arrived at the guild and was wearing dark colours, similar to goths.

"Look at all these preps. Hatin at por Zeerf." Erza said, arms crossed. Mavis flipped her hair, now streaked with blues and reds.

"Stoopid preps." Mavis agreed.

(The guild sweat dropped. They needed to get them to read a normal, decent book.)

The two girls sat together at the bar, reading some of Zeref's equally 'good' works about various different events.

 **Did you laugh? Did you cry? Did you die inside as you read this? Well...that's the point. Seeya with a not so crappy Fic!**


End file.
